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i have spent this week indoors whilst the sunlight mocks me with my head in hundreds of books. thankfully i actually find what i'm doing this dissertation on so, so interesting & i haven't really minded sitting in my mum's little office upstairs pretending that i'm actually a researcher drowning in books, journals & films. it's nice, books are comforting.
anyway i've been reading quite a bit about eating disorders because i'm talking about food, addictions & emotions in film & it's kind of got to me. women constantly have to struggle for everything & i'm pretty sure most females could relate to everything these books say in some shape or form. it makes me angry about all the people i know who joke about feminism or say they're not a feminist because it's thoughtless. all women should be feminists. all men should be feminists. i'd hope my dad was, i'd hope my friends all were but so many deny it/associate it with bra burning & write it off. i can't really articulate all the things i've been reading but i just wish females everywhere would stop attacking their bodies, calling themselves fat or ugly, dieting, comfort eating, denying themselves pleasure, constantly being image conscious & wishing they could change themselves. i don't think i've ever had a friend say yeah i'm pretty or be able to take a compliment properly & it seems anyone who embraces their beauty is immediately considered overconfident or stuck up. what's wrong in believing that you're beautiful? & furthermore your body isn't just something to be looked at, it's this awesome, amazing thing that lets you run & jump & dance & express yourself. females are more than an image. we should have more role models that are inspirational for the things that they have done not the things that they wear. magazines shouldn't tell us about people who have put on weight or look bad without makeup & what to eat & how to look. i say this & know that even i can't stop thinking like this, i want to eat less, i want my thighs to be smaller, i want nicer teeth, a flatter stomach, i constantly tell myself how ugly i am & why?!?! i wish i could stop, i wish everyone would stop & just live without constantly tormenting themselves.
blah emotional feminist blah NO. it's heartbreaking & the people that joke about feminism are only making it worse. i'll leave you with a passage from naomi wolf's hunger;
'What if she doesn't worry about her body & eats enough for all the growing she has to do? She might rip her stockings & slam-dance on forged ID at a Pogues concert, & walk home barefoot, holding her shoes, alone at dawn; she might babysit in a battered-women's shelter one night a month; she might skateboard down Lombard Street with its seven hairpin turns, or fall in love with her best friend & do something about it, or lose herself for hours gazing into test tubes with her hair a mess, or climb a promontory with the girls & get drunk at the top, or sit down when the Pledge of Allegiance says stand, or hop a freight train, or take lovers without telling her last name, or run away to sea. She might revel in all the freedoms that seem so trivial to those who could take them for granted; she might dream seriously the dreams that seem so obvious to those who grew up with them really available. Who knows what she would do? Who knows what it would feel like?'