hmm

am i the most paranoid person i know? i think i might be. i wish i could stop thinking like i do sometimes i don't know what's wrong with me. i always manage to convince myself people are talking about me/dislike me and i get such a horrible feeling of dread about it. it gets about 50 times worse if i'm doing stuff alone like even in the uni library alone i'm so aware of other people looking at me or shopping or whatever. urhgurghrghu why am i such a reject? and this is really the kind of thing i should be writing in my own private diary about/telling a councillor about but for one thing i haven't written in this year's diary since march (probably said something idiotic like i well fancy that boy blahblahblah lololol) but yeah.
will i ever be confident enough to stop thinking about what other people are thinking/not give a shit what they're thinking even if it is negative? who knows.
plus side i've purchased some awesome t shirts recently in between being in the library 24/7. like this one.

except i had to justify it so much to people out last night (as in yes i like star wars, no i am not a dickhead girl who thinks wearing this will make me look cool) URGH AS IF I CARE.
why am i being so angry? i'm not at all. i'm pretty calm and today's been really nice and now i'm just home in kent chilling with my cat/staring at dissertation notes. i dunno. for christmas i would like a brain.