birthday

it's my birthday this friday. technically i already celebrated as me and simone had a big joint birthday bbq thing (which was awesome) but seeing as i don't want to spend it alone crying & yelling at my friends in england for not coming to visit me in australia for such an important occassion/my mum i decided to invite everyone i love in sydney to this vegetarian restaurant. i walk past it every day after work so perfect location because a) near my house b) next door to the norfolk pub c) byo d) can stumble home drunk & hopefully not wake up in unidentified mystery sydney suburb/uncomfortable small sofa. anyway i sent this big message & turns out i have more friends than i thought. genuinely expected about 4 people wanting to go (i booked a table for 8 just to sound popular) but now it's going to be like 12. what? i have friends? yay! but basically the restaurant is the size of my nan's livingroom and looks pretty similar crockery/china ornament/tablecloth wise too - adding further to it being perfect location - so now i'm going to have to go in and beg them to let me take up practically the entire place. this will happen either through acting like a self righteous hippy vegetarian or having a mental breakdown about becomin.g a year older and how australia has obviously aged my precious once youthful skin.

speaking of once youthful i was looking at photos from when i was 19/20 and it has come to my attention that i have become mildy obese. what? why did no one tell me? clearly you fuckers were all jealous and now like it that i'm a tubby mess. nothing to do with me deciding that eating between two and three meals in one sitting is totally fine because i go for a weekly run. and that coffee doesn't make you fat because the olsen twins aren't fat and they definitely have ten starbucks a day. SO getting back to the point before my birthday meal i am on an extreme diet fueled by trying on my pink bodycon dress every night that is about two sizes too small and pretending to myself that i'm going to wear it on friday. then actually wear expandable trousers and eat week's worth of food on friday to make up for starvation insanity. and make my friends pay for the bill. i mean there's like 11 of them, surely they can manage it??

i love my life.