transitory

all my feelings are fleeting, i barely ever feel passionate about something for more than a week, i just see what happens from day to day and so everything is always changing.
i just remembered how sad you made me, but i guess even that didn't mean much,just a few memories of a bus and too much alcohol and my bed and porridge.

'"I didn't even know his name. And if I didn't know his name, then there is nothing I did know and I have known nothing ever at all since the one thing I wanted was to know his name so how could he help but leave me since he was making love to a woman who didn't know his name. When I was a little girl the heads of my paper dolls came off, and it was a long time before i discovered that my own head would not fall off if I bent my neck. I used to walk around holding it very stiff because I thought a strong wind or a heavy push would snap my neck. Nel was the one who told me the truth. But she was wrong, I did not hold my head stiff enough when I met him and so I lose it just like the dolls. It's just as well he left. Soon I would have torn the flesh from his face just to see if I was right about the gold and nobody would have understood that kind of curiosity. They would have believed that I wanted to hurt him just like the little boy who fell down the steps and broke his leg and the people think I pushed him just because I looked at it." Holding the driver's license she crawled into bed and fell into a sleep full of dreams of cobalt blue.'
Sula♥