in which i am having a crisis

i went to adelaide all long weekend and it was really lovely and good and involved all vegan food and g&ts and sun and other good things and i forgot dairy SUCKS IT SUCKS SO HARD and then i came home and sydney was raining and i was angry because my friend woke me up at 1.30 drunkenly slurring down the phone and then i didn't sleep and felt fat and greasy and now i still feel the same and i also noticed i need to stop doing nothing about it. basically every day i say i'll lose weight and then pinch at all my thigh fat and stare at it in the mirror, get sad then go to buy snacks to feel better and sit in bed looking at photos of thin goodlooking people and sometimes old photos of me when i was thin and young and pretty and then i think oh god i'm 23 and i already peaked at like 21 and it's very depressing and so now this time i am going back vegan because i don't know what mental voice told me cheese was ok or even tastes good and hopefully i'll stop looking like a rubber SQUARE by the time i get to asia so i can actually wear a bikini again without wanting to throw myself off a tall building. i'm not even fat i'm just rotund and short and if my face is going to continually get worse looking every year i may as well at least be sleak and have nice legs. and nice hair i like charlize theron's and she just shaved it for a new role so really i should maybe email her asking her if i can borrow it to glue it on my head (and what diet she's on) also it's not even fair because i still have teenage skin what's that even about?

so here's to veganism and the gym and not having about 3 inches of regrowth in my hair and blahblahblah shiny